Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
