she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUCK WHALES
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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