Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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