Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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