just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
