I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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