And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
nutella sex= disaster
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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