No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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