My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
