There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
