Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
