omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
