Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
