her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
