You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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