Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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