i don't like sucking hair
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
