Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
