Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
