There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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