Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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