Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im about as happy as oj after his trial
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
