Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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