"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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