Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
