i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
