these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
