It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
