I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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