I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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