Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
pray to the hookup gods
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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