She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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