hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We are two peas in an std pod
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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