Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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