Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im holly from the hills drunk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
