Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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