you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
