i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
