I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize