Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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