I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
