I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
