My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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