i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
