i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize