he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
