Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
