if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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