Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
