haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
