My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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