They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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