BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The best revenge is premature balding
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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