I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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