Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.