I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...