i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(