I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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