haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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