I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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